Mr. Miser and the Black Presidential Candidate

I think, as a society, we have a very base understanding of misers. Misers, in our eyes, are very bitter and angry and old men who like to walk about in black felt car coats or (in the warmer months) wool black three-piece suits. They probably have a watch at the end of a fancy chain. There's a chance they have a son named Chad, Gregory, or Winston, and there's a chance they have a daughter named Muffy, Shelia, or Emily (girls names are always less pompous). And, it is assumed, they vote Republican.

Wait, what?

"[Carl] Pohlad, the banker, investor and Twins owner, and his family have contributed or bundled as much as $217,000 for Obama, Politico reported."

Now, the word "bundled" seemed a bit odd to me and my liberal arts education, so I looked it up. According to the same website, Politico:

The participation of these surrogate fundraisers in presidential politics coincides with a rise in campaigns’ reliance on “bundlers,” people who tap into their own networks to steer donations to a candidate.

The system was refined by the past campaigns of President Bush, who nurtured competition between fundraisers who pledged to drive between $100,000 and $200,000 to the 2004 reelection campaign. In exchange, the bundlers gained better access to the president through exclusive events and, potentially, influence after the election.

None of this seems to apply to Old Carl, because he is really really old. Like, super old. Dude's turning 93 later this month, so it doesn't really seem like he's shooting for one of these coveted places within the government. If you've ever seen him at a public event, he seems barely able to stay alive, much less awake, much less awake and resting in his newly-appointed position as Ambassador to Tahiti. This would seem to be coming from the family more, although there isn't available information on individual donations in this story. I really hope it's mostly the family, because that points to them wanting to do the right thing, which would also include signing Gary Sheffield and Barry Bonds and having them hit much home runs.

Woo! We won the Hernandez sweepstakes!

Holy hell! Livan Hernandez? LIVAN FUCKING HERNANDEZ? I love Livan Hernandez!

WHEN HE'S FUCKING NOT 78 YEARS OLD. 

No, no! Of course: this is a great idea! It's an old player who seemingly doesn't have much less in the tank that can come in and fill an immediate and necessary need. Just like Tony Batista, Rondell White, Bret Boone and Ruben Sierra! Think about it: we can just keep doing this to balance out the lineup so that our mean age will be smack in the middle! Age and experience! Here's a mock-up of the perfect Twins lineup and rotation:

1. Rickey Henderson

2. Joe Mauer

3. Chili Davis

4. Justin Morneau

5. Buck O'Neal's corpse

6. Aborted Fetus 

7. Like, we go to an alternate universe where Bob Allison is still alive.

8. Delmon Young 

9. Nick Punto

We can throw Juan Marichal and Liriano in the world's first two man rotation just for fucking kix. 

After the Santana trade, I more or less assumed that we were attempting to solidify a team roster that could carry us until the new stadium, and maybe it still can. And maybe Livan has a couple more good years in him, and maybe he'll help Baker and Bonser along. And maybe the fact that Hernandez is only 32 will outweigh the fact that his arm has thrown enough innings to see the Truman regime. And maybe I can live in a happy gumdrop world where my two favorite Twins weren't given away for a bowl of lukewarm prospect gruel. 

/drinks