Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Woo! We won the Hernandez sweepstakes!



Holy hell! Livan Hernandez? LIVAN FUCKING HERNANDEZ? I love Livan Hernandez!



WHEN HE'S FUCKING NOT 78 YEARS OLD. 

No, no! Of course: this is a great idea! It's an old player who seemingly doesn't have much less in the tank that can come in and fill an immediate and necessary need. Just like Tony Batista, Rondell White, Bret Boone and Ruben Sierra! Think about it: we can just keep doing this to balance out the lineup so that our mean age will be smack in the middle! Age and experience! Here's a mock-up of the perfect Twins lineup and rotation:

1. Rickey Henderson
2. Joe Mauer
3. Chili Davis
4. Justin Morneau
5. Buck O'Neal's corpse
6. Aborted Fetus 
7. Like, we go to an alternate universe where Bob Allison is still alive.
8. Delmon Young 
9. Nick Punto

We can throw Juan Marichal and Liriano in the world's first two man rotation just for fucking kix. 

After the Santana trade, I more or less assumed that we were attempting to solidify a team roster that could carry us until the new stadium, and maybe it still can. And maybe Livan has a couple more good years in him, and maybe he'll help Baker and Bonser along. And maybe the fact that Hernandez is only 32 will outweigh the fact that his arm has thrown enough innings to see the Truman regime. And maybe I can live in a happy gumdrop world where my two favorite Twins weren't given away for a bowl of lukewarm prospect gruel. 

/drinks

Monday, February 11, 2008

Dr. Z and the racism

So here's what's fun about Dr. Z's recent NFL commentator evaluation. Like so much modern sports writing, it has just a hint of racism. A dash, if you will. Let's show some evidence.

First, here's some praise for FOX NFL commentator Tim Ryan:
How good is Ryan? Well, how many analysts will tell you who the good BLOCKERS are on kickoff returns? Arizona-Washington -- "Watch Lorenzo Alexander reject Jerheme Urban out of the wedge ..." Kaboom! A former superstar is slipping, he'll tell you about it. The Seahawks' Walter Jones gets stuffed by Cleveland's Robaire Smith on a running play: "You wonder about Walter Jones," says Ryan, who, unlike most of his brethren, does not blindly plug the stars. The Browns' line goes unbalanced on a play, he catches it immediately. He and Rosen routinely will call penalties before the flags are dropped. Rosen is meticulous about telling you who's on the field, when a team goes into a different personnel grouping. There are snappers, too. The Saints' Reggie Bush loses ground, trying to put on a fancy move. "Think four and you'll get more," Ryan mutters. In his and Sam's case, four and a half.
Not so bad, right? Here's some more, now commenting on the NBC team of Madden and Michaels:
The only thing I ever had against this team was that their attention span would occasionally flag if a game were dull, and they'd get away from it and onto topics of the day. Someone must have had a talk with them at NBC because that hasn't seemed to be a problem anymore. And as I've written before about Sunday night's increased technical equipment, it makes for more comfortable watching, all around. John still has the pipelines to feed him the cogent observation, such as noting that "the Patriots' defense is set up not to let you complete passes outside ... you have to go inside." And he can still bring it when the mood seizes him. On the running style of the Jaguars' tiny Maurice Jones-Drew -- "He can run straight up and still get low."
Again, nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe loses some points for the brushing over of Michaels' lame-duck style and some old-hat statements about Madden, but still innocuous for the most part.

Here's where it gets interesting. When talking about the team of Marshall Faulk and Deion Sanders (the bolds are mine):
When Deion and Faulk did Cincinnati-San Francisco in Week 15, I was stunned by their insight. I mean, they were giving us stuff such as: Deion on Chad Johnson -- "Any time Chad's in the slot, he's not going deep." Faulk on Johnson vs. T.O. -- "T.O.'s always looking to score, Chad's looking to fall down, after he runs a slant." I mean it was a clinic, a scouting report. Then I thought it through. This is the league's network. It's in its best interest if its broadcast team remained informed. Either Cincy coach Marvin Lewis briefed the boys on the ins and outs of his personnel, or some scout did, because I just don't believe these two announcers would figure this stuff out on their own. Their stuff only served to render more inane Steve Mariucci's comments that followed, during the break. But if they can provide enlightenment, why knock it, no matter where it comes from.
Now, it is immediately followed by a dig at a white guy, to be sure. But looking at the other analysis by Dr. Z on this page, two things become clear:

1. The white guys don't get criticized.
2. The white guys definitely don't get called boys.

Also dangerous here is the insinuation that Sanders and Faulk get all their information from either scouting reports or talking to coaches. While this may be true, this very well could be true for everyone, white or black. However, Tim Ryan and Tony Boselli get nothing but praise for their keen awareness and analysis, with nary a thought to the preparation they might have gone through. Look at this section about Boselli:

Wow, what a terrific rookie season for big Tony. First look -- that's when he'll see the play in its entirety, before he has the luxury of the replay. This, of course, is the test. He'll diagram the line play, as well, swiftly and accurately. Coverages, too. Nothing like young eyes, folks. He'll pick up blitz schemes, he'll rip the stars as well as the ordinary Joes, which is unusual: "Edgerrin James got off the line too quickly," which was why he was stopped. "Ernie Sims came in high on that one," which was why Marcel Shipp got a touchdown over him. "Frank Gore missed the pick-up," which was why the rush forced an incomplete. Seems trivial, but there are guys who will never criticize a big name player.
I think Dr. Z has wood. Later in that same paragraph, about Boselli's (black) partner, Ron Pitts:
Pittsie, once a five-star Z announcer, has been bouncing around for a while, but he's latched onto a good partner here.
Which, of course, does a good bit to make Pitts sounds like a parasite. Pleasant.

I understand how nitpicky this all is. Also, I understand that Dr. Z is more than likely not a huge hood-wearing racist. However, it's very clear that there's a lack of equal ground being portrayed here. This almost certainly was not a conscious decision by Dr. Z to take some black guys down a peg. This is simply another example to add to the pile of subtly inequitable language used between whites and blacks in sports journalism.